The Hand of God: Or, How I Discovered That Diego Maradona Was The Greatest Of All Time
Diego Maradona is the greatest footballer of all time!
Okay, so way back when, back before football, I mean soccer, was all the rage here…okay seriously when did that happen?…I mean, back in the day the only chaps I could talk football with where my old USC batchmates Andy, Andre (the Crazy Russian), and Doney (the Enigmatic South Indian, perhaps?)…and now everyone, and I mean everyone is suddenly an expert…what’s up with that?...seriously…I was there for Mexico 86 when Maradona amazed the world…okay, fine I wasn’t there there, but in the sense that my Father and I had to set up two televisions because we had to somehow get the audio feed from Dubai (which had the English commentary) and the video feed from Doha (which came in clearer, albeit with the Arabic commentary, which we were not admittedly fluent in) and all of this using the old-fashioned antennas you see on the New York rooftops in all those 70s cop movies…in 1986 all you fancy Investment Bankers and Lawyers were moaning and groaning about Bill Buckner and the Bears, sorry da Bears, and the Celtics, and Jack Nicklaus, and the ‘Mazing Mets, and all that jazz; you were not watching football, I mean soccer…don’t tell me about Liverpool and Barcelona and Inter Milan and Chelsea okay?…especially since we all know that your “lifelong” Chelsea jersey is only five weeks old, and no Chelsea isn’t in Chelsea, it’s in London…I would know because in 1986, fine I looked it up on Wikipedia, I wouldn’t have known that either…in any case, please, don’t try to rhapsodize about football, I mean soccer, to us…we grew up with football, okay fine, maybe we didn’t, and to be fair we got a less information about the game back then what you do now, in fact, you can probably watch more international football games in any given week on American TV than we ever did in the four years between World Cups, and no, I had no idea what Lionel Messi looked like before I saw him play at the Rose Bowl last year, actually, I had no idea that Barcelona had won the Treble last year before you told me, actually, I had no idea what the Treble was…so fine, you can talk to me about football, fine soccer, as long as we agree on one thing: Diego Maradona is the greatest footballer of all time!
Next week I talk about Betty White…don’t you tell me about Betty White, okay? …I was a Betty White fan way back when, even before The Golden Girls, back when…
Cheers!
The basu! Guide to the Movies
(The World-Cup-Fever-Catch-It! Edition)
04 – 11 June 2010
The b! List
Ten things that are the best, ever (currently)!
1. Diego Maradona. The Greatest Footballer, Ever! (All-Time)
http://bit.ly/uUFqe
2. Nike “Airport ‘98” Commercial. The Best Nike Football Commercial, Ever! (All-Time)
http://bit.ly/7eKlf
3. Nike “Write the Future” Commercial. The Best Nike Football Commercial, Ever! (Currently)
http://bit.ly/czPBdf
4. Adidas “Star Wars Cantina 2010” Commercial. The Best Adidas Football Commercial, Ever! (Currently)
http://bit.ly/cUAXnc
5. Nike “The Secret Tournament” Commercial. The Second-Best Nike Football Commercial, Ever! (All-Time)
http://bit.ly/nD14S
6. “World in Motion” by New Order. The Best Football World Cup Theme, Ever! (All-Time)
http://bit.ly/a18Sov
7. “La Copa De La Vida” by Ricky Martin. The Second-Best Football World Cup Theme, Ever! (All-Time)
http://bit.ly/GptRr
8. “Wavin’ Flag (Coca Cola Spanish Celebration Mix)” by K’Naan feat. David Bisbal. The Best Football World Cup Theme, Ever! (Currently)
http://bit.ly/9xWepI
9. Zinedine Zidane. The Best Footballer To Break Your Heart, Ever! (Currently)
http://bit.ly/VUcWK
10. Martin Tyler. The Best Football Commentator, Ever! (Currently)
http://bit.ly/cEdRPY
Special Mention: Betty White on The Daily Show. The Best Golden Girl, Ever! (Currently)
http://bit.ly/d3fEPU
Special Mention: Interview About the Nike “Write the Future” Commercial with the GOAT. Best GOAT, Ever! (Currently)
http://bit.ly/baV9J5
Movies: Get Ready for the A-Star-Is-Born Oscar Hype
Winter’s Bone
Directed by: Debra Granik
Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, John Hawkes, Garret Dillahunt, Dale Dickey, Sheryl Lee
Plot: A young girl enters the dangerous criminal underworld of the Ozarks to search for her father after he jumps bail and puts their home at risk. Not-quite-your-typical-tweenage-growing-pains type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: Get ready for it. Once Oscar “season” comes around, all you’re going to hear about (apart from Anne Hathaway’s sure-fire Oscar win for the upcoming Love and Other Drugs) is this girl Lawrence. She is going to get that wall-to-wall Carey Mulligan-hyperbole that we were all subjected to the last time we went through Awards Season. And if you see this film now, you can show off to all your friends about how you knew this girl Lawrence back before she had made it big.
Bottom Line: Those in Manhattan and Los Angeles Susceptible to Carey Mulligan-Type Hyperbole: Theatres – First Week; Me, and Other More Jaded Souls: Theatres – Eventually
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): My Cousin Vinny; Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Transformers; Junebug; An Education
Movies: Hoped-For Summer Counter-Programmer Blockbusters
Splice
Directed by: Vincenzo Natali
Starring: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley
Plot: Things go horribly wrong when a genetically modified creature goes berserk. That’s-why-I-buy-organic type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: A Sundance hit starring Polley, and it’s a horror movie? We live in strange, strange times!
Bottom Line: Me, and Other Sarah Polley Fans: Theatres – Eventually; Other, More Mainstream Souls: DVD
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Alien; The Fly; Aliens; Pitch Black; Alien: Resurrection
Agora
Directed by: Alejandro Amenabar
Starring: Rachel Weisz, Max Minghella, Oscar Isaac, Ashraf Barhom, Michael Lonsdale
Plot: A female philosopher in ancient Egypt struggles to be accepted and find love at the same time. Wonder-when-the-inevitable-rom-com-remake-is-coming? type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: A $70 million epic directed by a wunderkind Oscar-winning director starring an Oscar-winning close-to-star actress, and it’s being released by tiny indie Newmarket Films. Dude, the indie scene is crazy these days, crazy!
Bottom Line: Those Lucky Few in Manhattan and Los Angeles: Theatres – Eventually; Other, Less Geographically-Fortunate Souls: DVD
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Open Your Eyes; The Others; The Sea Inside; The Constant Gardener; The Shape of Things
Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
Directed by: Ricki Stern and Annie Sundberg
Starring: Joan Rivers (duh!)
Plot: A documentary focusing on the life of a legendary female comedienne still going strong. Wonder-if-they’ll-get-into-her-Nip/Tuck-years? type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: Okay, enough with all this documentary stuff, we need to get Rivers back on the E! Red Carpet, where she belongs! C’mon Ryan Seacrest, do the right thing and get her back there.
Bottom Line: DVD
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Richard Pryor: Live on the Sunset Strip; Eddie Murphy Raw; The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe; The Original Kings of Comedy; Comedian
Ondine
Directed by: Neil Jordan
Starring: Colin Farrell, Stephen Rea, Alicja Bachleda
Plot: A fisherman starts falling in love with the mermaid he catches in his nets. Let’s-hope-she’s-not-coated-with-that-BP-oil type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: At a different time a twee little romantic Irish film about a mermaid directed by Jordan and starring The Better Half’s favorite actor would have gotten a lot more regard than a small simultaneous HDNet and limited market release. How times have changed…
Bottom Line: The Better Half and Other Colin Farrell Fans Who Live in Limited Markets: Theatres – Eventually; Other, More Discerning Souls: HDNet
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Mona Lisa; The Crying Game; The Good Thief; Michael Collins; The End of the Affair
Movies: Hoped-For 80s-Remake Blockbusters
The A-Team
Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Starring: Jessica Biel, Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Rampage Jackson, Sharlto Copley
Plot: A military team sets out to clear its name after being falsely accused of a crime it did not commit. And-no-they-did-not-go-in-front-of-a-Congressional-panel type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: 2009 was a watershed moment for two likeable sandy-blonde pretty-boy Sandra Bullock romantic comedy lead actors with one-time blonde it-girl paramours. They had just burst upon the national movie-going consciousness with two hit summer movies, they were both up for the same roles, life was looking pretty good. Then Ryan Reynolds got the Green Lantern gig (and his wife won a Tony, seriously! Scarlett Johansson is a Tony-winning actress! Guess who’s got bragging rights in that household! Unbelievable!) and poor Cooper got stuck with “Faceman” in another one of this summer’s box office flops. Sad right? He shoulda been Green Lantern, not that sell-out Reynolds.
Bottom Line: Me, and Others Who Dreamed of Growing Up to Become Howling Mad Murdock: Theatres – Eventually; Others Who Have Managed to Actually Grow Up: DVD
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): The Addams Family; Borat; Mission: Impossible; Mission: Impossible II; The Muppet Movie
The Karate Kid
Directed by: Harald Zwart
Starring: Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan, Taraji P. Henson
Plot: An American in China turns to a solitary mentor for kung-fu training in order to beat his bully. China-is-taking-over-everything-including-remakes type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: True story: Once, a long, long time ago, when I had just alighted on these shores I took a trip with some college friends to New York City. Some tourists in Times Square stopped and asked me if I was Ralph Macchio…okay fine, they never said I was Ralph Macchio, they just said that they thought I looked like him. It just makes a better story if they thought I was him. I mean it’s better than these days when people always mistake me for that guy who beat up Latika in Slumdog Millionaire.
Bottom Line: Me, and Other with Fond Memories of the Mr. Miyagi-80s: Theatres – Eventually; Other, More Jaded Souls: DVD
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): The Karate Kid (1984); Live Free or Die Hard; Terminator Salvation; Rambo (2008); Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the…sorry, even I couldn’t do that to you…forget I even brought it up!
Movies: Hoped-For Summer Blockbusters
Get Him to the Greek
Directed by: Nicholas Stoller
Starring: Russell Brand, Jonah Hill, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, Elisabeth Moss, Aziz Ansari
Plot: A record company executive is sent to escort a bad boy British rocker to his comeback concert. Makes-all-those-Ticketmaster-convenience-charges-worth-it type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: I was at the El Rey for The National and I ran into Hill with his horn-rimmed glasses, stubble, and Pork Pie Hat. Naturally, I couldn’t stop myself and blurted out: “Look, little Seth Rogen!” He wasn’t pleased. Not sure if it was because of the Rogen crack, or because we were in the Men’s Room.
Bottom Line: DVD
Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy; Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; The 40 Year Old Virgin; Step Brothers; Pineapple Express
Killers
Directed by: Robert Luketic
Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck, Catherine O’Hara, Usher Raymond
Plot: A newlywed finds out that her husband is an international spy. You’re-gonna-need-a-bigger-pre-nup type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: Okay, when Mr. & Mrs. Smith was released all those years ago you thought its lasting legacy would be as the last thing that finally made all women hate Angelina Jolie, didn’t you? You never thought it would reinvigorate that little sub-genre of romantic-action-comedies right, and give birth to such luminaries as The Bounty Hunter, Knight & Day, Undercovers (NBC this Fall), the just-announced Sandra Bullock-Ryan Reynolds vehicle Most Wanted, and of course, this little gem here. Doug Liman must be so proud!
Bottom Line: Pass
Other Movies to Check Out (instead): Mr. & Mrs. Smith; The Bounty Hunter; Knight & Day; Bird on a Wire; Most Wanted
Marmaduke
Directed by: Tom Dey
Starring: Owen Wilson, George Lopez, Lee Pace, and the great Judy Greer
Plot: A Great Dane struggles to fit in with his neighbors in Orange County. Good-luck-with-that-whole-Orange-Curtain-thing type complications ensue.
The basu! Buzz: There is a great movie about dogs starring Wilson that made The Better Half cry so hard on the airplane that the stewardess had to ask her if she was okay. That movie was Marley & Me.
Bottom Line: Me, and Other Always-Hopeful Judy Greer Fans: DVD; People with Small Children Desperately in Need of Babysitting Help: Theatres – Eventually; Other, Less Harried Souls: Pass
Other Movies to Check Out (instead): Marley & Me; Best in Show; Old Yeller; Lassie Come Home; My Dog Skip
The Top 10 Movies of 2010
How to Train Your Dragon
Shutter Island
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Thorn in the Heart
Green Zone
From Paris With Love
Iron Man 2
Robin Hood (new entry)
Alice in Wonderland
Clash of the Titans [2-D]
Top 10 Films Out Right Now That I Positively Have to See
The A-Team
Micmacs
The Secret in Their Eyes
Splice
Agora
Winter’s Bone
The Karate Kid
Casino Jack and the United States of Money
Exit Through the Gift Shop
The Ghost Writer